It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
