THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
