My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
