Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
