I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
