i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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