can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
