i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
