I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
