i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
