Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Where is the hickey?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
