wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
