I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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