Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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