so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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