Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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