i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
