He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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