Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
