I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize