Sry I called you an 8
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cockslap morals
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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