So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
