the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
