I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
