so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
