If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
