Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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