return my video game
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
