I faked an abortion last night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
