I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
