I'm lost and stupid without you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
