The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
