Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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