I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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