She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
