Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
