I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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