oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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