Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
