We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
