The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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