don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
