she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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