i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
