k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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