I will die if light touches me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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