i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
