I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
