Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
