me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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