the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
